it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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