wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
