then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
