his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
