a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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