i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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