Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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