i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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