Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
