I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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