I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
