maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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