I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
