Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
