Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
nutella sex= disaster
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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