your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
