explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
