I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
