Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
