There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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