She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
