Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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