Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
