I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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