After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
