You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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