I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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