She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
third nipple confirmed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
