youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
