let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
