He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
