we have pet lesbian snakes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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