I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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