I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
