two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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