Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize