come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
