I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
