I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
