were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize