You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize