Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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