Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
