I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
