You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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