So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
