walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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