What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize