I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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