You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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