Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
