What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
