Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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