i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
