remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
