This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
