I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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