so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
