K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
