I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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