on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
