no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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