FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
