I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
