Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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