my phone needs a breathalizer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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