I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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