why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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