i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
