Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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