she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
