hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
