____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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